Autobiographical Essay #4

Luke Granger

Dr. B

Eng. 329

February 9, 2009

Autobiographical Essay Week 5

            The first time I was scared by language was when I was a young boy. I don’t recall how old I was or the exact date and time but it was always when my parents argued that I got scared. I don’t remember what they were arguing about but just the sound of their voices in that context was terrifying for me. Why would this affect me? After all, I wasn’t being yelled at, why was it affecting me?

Being young I didn’t understand that people could argue and have the outcome become productive. I thought my parents were arguing to hurt each other. Some of the things they said were hurtful but they weren’t doing it because they hated one another. As a small boy you don’t understand relationships and the struggles it takes to keep a marriage together. I’m 22 and don’t understand any of these things. Looking back, it is easy to see how a loud argument between my parents could scare me because I thought they were going to break up.

Usually the only time my parents used the tone of voice they used when they argued, was when my brother or I got into some mischief. Whenever we got in trouble, bad things would happen, I think this correlation between yelling and punishment was what scared me. There was pain associated with the passion in their voices. Looking up to my parents, there was no way they could do something wrong, after all, they were the ones correcting me for being wrong.

At a young age we don’t understand as adults do, and parents rarely take the time to explain what the two are arguing about. As children we usually only get the muffled sound of angry voices through bedroom walls. This I think is scarier to a young kid than when the parents argue openly in front of them. Perhaps the audience will cause the arguers to think twice before saying some of the things we do when we argue.

 My parents were never violent and have been married for almost 30 years. Surely they wouldn’t break up over an argument but being too young to understand; I had a limited perspective. As adults we may be hardened to some of the things we say but a little mind hasn’t been callused and can’t differentiate between an important argument and a superficial argument. It was also the sudden change of my parent’s demeanor. Usually loving and having an absence of conflict it was definitely a shock to have them bickering. Our language affects all around us. If what we are saying comes out hurtful and angered, than even a child can sense the bitter emotions accompanied by it even without understand why.