Autobiography V

Samantha Haberman

There are many verbal events I have feared, and continue to fear still. In my early childhood, my parents decided that a divorce would be the best thing for them—things were obviously not working out the way they had hoped. Instead of a clean cut divorce, everything became extremely complicated. My parents tried to end things on an amiable note, yet it was easier said than done. I would soon found myself in a mind splitting custody battle. The divorce became finally when I was only two – so trying to remember any of that would be impossible for me. However – my parents fought over my younger brother and me for years after. Neither my father nor my mother could really be a better choice for my brother and me. So, from the age of four to about nine – I became really familiar with visiting the court rooms, sitting in the background in small offices with no windows, and having social workers drilling me with questions. All this was overwhelming. I was a lot more mature than most children my age – yet I was given with such responsibility I wasn’t sure what to do with it all. Everything was getting more complicating, I was getting more confused. The more I listened to what was being said the more frightening it would be when I thought about having to go back again. Having people talk about where you are going to reside – using big words, phrases, court talk – it was intense. No one ever just came up to me and explained things in a way that I could understand. Every time there was a reason to have to go speak with some one involved in where my brother and I would permanently reside, I would feel like an foreigner. I knew they were talking and about the general topic – but I had no idea what they were really telling me. Nothing made sense. I was nine years old when they finally decision was made - and after all that talk I couldn’t understand they still managed to get it wrong.